The husband is on an extended TDY, doing some training until the end of March. At the moment I am doing some soul searching, girl time and chocolate-eating. Seriously, it is very dangerous to leave Godiva in the house with a woman whose husband is gone. Dangerous, as in, I get lazy and call Quaker squares and chocolate dinner.
Time is whittling away. The move to Germany happens in t-minus 5 weeks. Oh my gosh. I’m frantically going around collecting the paperwork on the move system, cleaning out closets, donating junk to goodwill, ordering an Amazon Kindle (yay! happy birthday to me!) and watching Oprah, especially when she does stories on checking in on the severe child abuse cases of the past.
Girl nights are so important when the husbands are gone because you can go batty on your own. You can also forget that you have buddies and teammates in this military wife thing who can support you.
Keep your eyes out for posts on dinners for one, birthday weekend recap and other fun things like sharing a bathroom with your husband and a dude you have never met.
The husband and I said another goodbye today.
Training going from today through March 25. A good 5 weeks of separation, and hopefully a little visit somewhere in there.
Now, honestly, this isn’t a humongous deal. We were parted for 13 weeks back in 2009 for training, then again in 2010 for 4 weeks of training, so this isn’t a huge deal nor unexpected. Still, who likes saying goodbye to their life partner for days on end? You don’t marry them, hopefully, to relish the time they’re away.
Now, I don’t like to whine about this, except of course on this blog and in limited quantities when speaking to people about my husband’s absence. I don’t like to bitch like some women do. After all, I willingly let the husband do this.
(As an aside, we did this whole Air Force life thing after we were married. I married a man in graduate school who later decided that he wanted to go for the dream of joining the military. I seem to be unique in that I didn’t know what I was getting into, like many women, who say they married a military man.)
I used to read Facebook status updates of women online weeping because their husband was gone. I can really empathize with it but I’m not sure what good it does to abuse the FB system of wringing out the sympathy vote. It makes me judge you, possibly, because it seems like a plea for attention for negative reasons.
Anyways, we are all in this together. When I hear a wife say the husband’s gone I pretty much know what’s happening inside and she doesn’t need to give me a blow by blow account of it on a social networking site.
I think what makes goodbyes better is spending quality time together. A and I spent a fabulous weekend walking around Atlanta and eating lots of fantastic food, visiting the Coca-cola museum, aquarium, strolling, talking and enjoying each others’ company. I love that guy.
It’s been said many times that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Not fonder, exactly, but more attuned to the nuances of the one you love. I see the dimples, the twinkle in his eye, his optimism, when he’s gone more keenly. He’s my everything.
I think I’ve been blessed with friendships as an Air Force wife. The blog title is actually named after a tradition a few close friends and I started of having coffee dates and eating homemade muffins and cake every Friday morning. Those women have meant so much to me and they are truly good friends who I can be honest with about everything. Hopefully I have been a good friend to them too, I have tried to be, being there for them during pregnancy and helping babysit and talking to them.
I’m a pretty introverted person sometimes and part of the reason I think I am so introverted is because I am sensitive. But I’ve learned the worst thing to do is hide from relationships and friendships and life is better when you strive to care about people.
I made a good friend last summer through exercise, A. She is in slamming good shape and kindly led workouts with a group of us. She is very witty, deep and a talented writer and artist. Her husband is a higher officer rank than my own and there is an age difference. I’m a young-ish new girl to military wife and she’s a more seasoned participant of this lifestyle.
There were a few other ladies who worked out with us, two others whose husbands were captains (not 2nd LTs like my husband) and this didn’t phase me in the least, since obviously I am not in the military and neither are they. One woman was sweet, T, and she was cheerful as could be.
We were getting along great, having lunch, hanging out for Grey’s Anatomy nights, the whole shebang. Then, I got a Facebook message from A saying that she and T had talked and decided that it could look bad for them to be very close to me, since their husbands were instructors at the squadron where my husband was a student. Basically, the argument was that people could accuse their husbands of favoritism if they knew we were close friends.
Ok, so needless to say this didn’t go over well with me. I was very honest and perhaps a little blunt in saying that this was not even right, that this was very disappointing. It crushed the friendship because I was expecting them to apologize for this, but what I got was an argument for why I should agree with them.
So, forward to a few months later, the one woman, A, is on a long-term trip in the mountains and T has been absent at workouts. So, it has been the 4 of us working out. I feel sort of bad because I feel like there is something I can do to fix the situation. A defriended me the other day. I never used to care about that stuff, but it felt like a snub.
Anyways, there is a lot of good in military life but there are also people who will dump you for frivolous reasons. It hurts.
So my husband and I are moving to Germany in just a month and a half. Insanity is setting in.
Thankfully, we now, as of yesterday, both have our passports, made contact with the movers and are about to ship one vehicle on Saturday so we’ll have something to drive when we are there. As I type this out I realize that we have more under control than we realize. We’ve made a lot of progress in preparing, the cat is set with all of her vaccinations, etc.
Rosetta Stone is kicking my booty, and I’ve graduated to level two, in my journey of learning Deutsch. I can’t help though but worry about all of the stuff we don’t know about. When we arrive there we will have nothing but a few suitcases and hopefully a car. Our stuff won’t arrive for a few months. Dread fills me a little bit here.
But, all of that being said, I am so excited to move to Germany. It is a privilege that not everyone gets and I am determined to appreciate it fully. We are very blessed to be able to experience living abroad.
I was struck by the blog post on Peanut Butter Fingers today.
Julie talked about how media and bloggers may portray their relationships in a positive light almost a hundred percent of the time, and although the relationships are good, there is obviously conflict at moments.
Relationships are work; I know everyone says this but I’ve learned so far in nearly 26 years that cliches are cliches for a reason. Love usually starts with infatuation and moves to a different sort of feeling, one of commitment. It is a series of actions over time, not a dizzying state of exhilaration.
In just the same way, perfection in other areas of life is unattainable. This may seem obvious but sometimes I forget and I know I’m not the only person out there who is the same way.
For example, this is my side of our closet.
This is a normal day. Got to love the stack of VHS tapes.
This is the cleaned up version:
Yeah, clearly every day isn’t spent in perfection.
But I wish every day could be spent like this: